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A very, very bad day.

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in. Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, Collected Poems and Translations

Did you ever have a very, very bad day? You know the kind I’m talking about. Where you wake up and feel it coming on, try everything in your power to fight it off, but at some point just realize that this is one of those days that you just have to get through. Of course you have. We all have days like that.

I had one of those yesterday. A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine died suddenly and her funeral was yesterday. Our relationship didn’t end well and so I chose not to attend. It was a long, hard decision that I struggled with for days. But in the end, I decided not to risk any drama for her family and chose not to go.

But, as I sent my children off with their father and the rest of their family… my heart was heavy. Did I make the right decision? Should I have gone? All day I tried to fight it off. “Yes” “No” “Yes” “No.”  I exercised, meditated, tried to bury myself in work. Called my dad, my daughter, and spoke to my best friends. I managed my emotions okay for the better part of the day. Until the very end of the day when it all came crashing down and I allowed myself to get sucked into a huge argument with someone over something profoundly stupid. Really, this was the Dumbest. Argument. Ever. And I was arguing like I’m on the Supreme Court. As I’m getting into bed, eyes swollen from crying, those who love me are telling me, “It’s almost over. Tomorrow will be better. Hang in there.”

And they were right. Today is better. I feel a little emotionally bruised and more than a little disappointed in myself. But, I understand. If it were MY friend who’d had a day like yesterday, I’d have told her the same things everyone was telling me. “Give yourself a break. It was a tough day. With some things, you can’t know whether your decision was “right” or not. You can only make the decision and trust the process.”

As I start this new day, I realize that sometimes the best decision you can make is to just let it go and move on. And, be grateful for the circle of friends and family who can be there for you when you have a very, very bad day.

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