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Revenge Gift for 7000, Alex.

A few years back, my ex-husband and I started a strange tradition that I like to call Revenge Gifting. You see, he was still really mad at me for the divorce, and so I made it a game to be as nice to him as I possibly could, knowing how much my niceness irritated him. The more annoyed he got, the nicer I was.

One year, after I gave him a really great present for his birthday, he surprised me by getting ME a really great gift for Christmas.

Oh, it was ON.

We began escalating the gifts. He gave me an expensive air conditioner (that was his, but needed a new hose). I gave him an expensive bottle of rum. It's been going on for a couple of years now, and although I'm not sure he knows we're playing the game, we are. I just think it bothers him to "owe" me anything, and so anytime I get him something, he tries to get me something better.

This year, for Christmas, I gave him a Subway gift card. ( Our17 year old son lives with him full time now and , frankly, that was an act of generosity. ) When I went to his house to spend some time with our son, my ex comes out from the kitchen holding the world's biggest tin of pecan shortbread cookies and a bag of vegetable chips the size of Rhode Island. "Here, I got you a present."

He knows I'm a health coach. He knows I live alone. This man just gave me 7000 calories of food (not exaggerating, I counted) and probably a stroke or heart attack. "Merry Christmas."

Well played, sir.

So, now what am I going to do with all of this food? I received several other food gifts that were in normal-people sized portions. But this? I'm thinking of catering a party at the Hollywood Bowl with these cookies and chips.

But then I remembered. I *am* a health coach! The first thing I needed to do was make a plan. I considered regifting some of them (I'd already opened it), and still might. At the moment, though, I still want them.

First, I needed to detox off of the sugar I'd eaten over the weekend. Sugar Sally was awake and asking for food! This means 72 hours with no sugar. Then, after that, I will attempt portion control. If that fails... then they are out of here. If I eat all of those cookies and chips too quickly, I will literally gain 2.5 pounds.

Merry Christmas, indeed.

The lesson here is two-fold. Revenge gifting is a lot more fun that being mad at someone for years. And, two, industrial sized containers of treats come into everyone's life. The key is to develop a strategy for what to do with them and realize that you don't *have* to eat them all or eat none of them. Just do what works for you.

"Stupidity is also a gift of God, but we mustn't misuse it."
Pope John Paul II
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