“The best men tell you the truth because they think you can take it; the worst men either try to preserve you in some innocent state with their false protection, or are ‘brutally honest.’ When someone tells, lets you think for yourself, experience your own emotions, he is treating you as a true equal, a friend…And the best men cook for you.” ― Whitney Otto, How to Make an American Quilt
So many of my female friends lament to me, “I can’t find a good man. They’re all either married, gay, or jerks. Where ARE they all?” I look at them with a completely perplexed look on my face. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
I have never had a problem finding “good men.” They are everywhere. I have a “good” dad and stepdad. Three “good” brothers. I’ve had “good” men to love and “good” men as friends. I see them in the “good” man that picks up the keys I dropped when my hands are too full. The one who lets me go ahead of him in line. The man at the cleaners who let me take my cleaning when I didn’t have enough cash…that is a good man. It’s the dad with three tiny kids hanging on his leg laughing and having fun. It’s the man who holds his daughter as she cries from a broken heart. It’s the one who runs a local charity and devotes every waking moment to helping others. I see good men every single day. Because I see them.
You see, finding a good man is not about the man. It’s about knowing what matters to you and then finding THAT in all men. What is good or not good is up to YOU. If you want a man who doesn’t cheat on you, then notice and appreciate when you see a man being honest and loyal. If you want a man who is chivalrous, say a grateful “Thank you” when a man opens the door for you. If you want a man who is funny, laugh with the old man behind you in line. Every man has good and bad qualities. If you know what matters to you most and then focus on those qualities you will find more and more people who have them. If you assume that there are “no good men,” then that’s what you will find. If the assumption is that there ARE good men, you will find them. Our frame determines what we see.
Good men are everywhere. You just have to decide see them.