Long Distance Lover Gets Mean


"Dear Aunt Traci,

I've been dating this man that I met on one of those dating websites. It's a long distance relationship, and we get together a few times a year. He's never been really good at texting or e-mailing, and his phone conversations are really short. But, when we're together, it's great! We go swimming and snorkeling, travel together, and have fun. I mean, he's not the most affectionate guy in town, but that doesn't matter.

He's a recent widower, and so I wrote off some of the "red flags" I saw early on to the fact that he was grieving. But, we have been seeing each other for more than a year now, and it's like dating Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. The difference between how he is when we're together and when we're not is crazy.

Recently, he broke up with me unexpectedly! He said he wanted someone who was more available to travel (despite the fact that I have a teenager at home). I was shocked! But what's worse is that he said some really cruel, mean things. I was absolutely devastated. He then blocked my phone, unfriended me, and isn't responding to my e-mails.

Aunt Traci, do you think he's going to come back? And, if so, what should I say?

Signed,

Sticks and Stones..."

Dear Sticks,

Consider yourself lucky! Your fellow is actually showing a lot of signs of being emotionally abusive. The lack of affection, emotional intimacy, and not caring about you, your teenager, and only wanting to engage with you on his terms... that's an indication that his interest in the relationship is primarily selfish. Add that to the fact that he became downright cruel to you, and that's a sure sign that this is not a healthy relationship.

Now, this is easy for me to see and tell you. But, it's MUCH harder to be the one in it. Trust me, I've been there. When things are good, they are SO good. But when they're not... they're awful.

My guess is that yes, he will come back once he needs someone to abuse. My advice to you is to work on yourself, maybe get some counseling, and see what you can do to break free of this cycle before it repeats itself.

“do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ― Rupi Kaur, milk and honey


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